Rolling out of Bed onto the Stage

Hello Friends and Family!
I wanted to get y'all an update before I get swept up into exams.

I my exams start next week, so right now all of us are frantically stuffing everything we forgot back into our brains. Luckily, I don't have any papers due this week, though I do have a chemistry test friday and a harmony portfolio due tomorrow, eek! Though I only have 3 exams next week, since my freshman seminar was the basics of acting, which is nice because I have extra time to study for everything else!
Here is my exam schedule (if anybody feels like sending prayers my way, I'll need them!)
monday: legacies of the ancient world
tuesday: take-home harmony exam due by 5
wednesday: study day!
thursday: chemistry... ugh
Now just because I posted my schedule does not mean that I need reminders to study... *cough* dad, mom *cough*... :)

Oh some exciting news, yesterday I had my luncheon musicale! This is put on by the music department to display students talents in a little lunch time concert. I think the biggest incentive for people to go is the free lunch, haha. But thats fine, I enjoyed it and it was good practice. I will go into detail later and post the performance when I have time! sorry!

Now I have determined, though this just may be my southern upbringing kicking in, but I always though snow was supposed to fall down; not sideways or upwards. Should I be worried? Well for those who haven't checked the weather and laughed at my demise, it has been snowing here for 72 hours straight and is not supposed to stop until possibly saturday. Though it will probably be pushed back, since it wasn't going to snow tomorrow, but now it is. I got a call from my voice teacher this morning, who lives in syracuse, telling me that she couldn't get out of the city because of the snow. Syracuse has already had 15 inches of snow with 9-10 more on the way today. This is all caused by the lovely lake effect, though what that is I couldn't give you a good definition.
Now I love the snow!! But it stinks when I am stuck inside studying when I want to be outside playing! Everyone else is used to the snow, so they can ignore it. But this snow, which is sooooooo light an fluffy, the powder is actually a foot deep and you can't make snowballs its so loose, is way too tempting! But that's what study breaks are for!
Anyway, I hope everything is going well down south and I will see y'all in a couple of weeks!

Lots of Love!
Palmer

Video Blog

I'm trying something new today! Since I have to get cracking on my school work with exams coming up and all, I decided to make a video post so that I don't have to worry about writing everything down. I hope this works and I hope you enjoy! And please don't judge, I am not the best speaker in the world, so bear with me.
Here it goes!

not too bad, huh? Maybe I should go into the movie business... haha.

Love y'all!
Palmer

Yay Kayaking photos!

Many of you may not know this but I have had the opportunity to kayaking while I am up here. It was so nice! Besides the cold, I think I could start to like northeast paddling. Well, never as much as the southeast!
Here are some photos of me from that trip:







Lots of love!
Palmer

Frat Shirts and Boxers

For those of you worried about the title of this post, you can put the rifles back in the gun closet or under the bed, there is no yankee that "needs to be taken care".
I am simply referring to the items of clothing I am wearing curled up on my bed while writing this post.

Have you ever had any clothes that made you feel safe?
Well mine include my dad's phi delta theta shirt and a pair green, bulldog boxers.

To give you the back story, today has been a very stressful day.
~
I was supposed to register for classes next semester, and what did I not do tonight? Register for classes. You may ask, "well Palmer why didn't you?" or "why don't you register now?" Well ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a wonderful example of miscommunication. Let's just say Colgate forgot to inform me about a fee I had not yet paid, oh and it turns out, if you have outstanding payments, you are not allowed to register. Yippee!

Now this is no one's fault but my own, so please do not think I am pointing fingers.

The whole process of registering is already stressful, but the addition of not knowing why the computer says I cannot register and having to figure out why takes a toll on a person. Luckily it seems most of my classes are still open. Only one has closed, but I have already emailed the professor explaining my dilemma and asking to meet with her. Hopefully I will be able to use my southern charm to persuade her to make an exception for me.

But if not it isn't the end of the world.
~
You can see why I needed to crawl into my worn out, comfy clothes and let the love worn in them infuse into me. If I could, I would throw on my Jackson Hole long sleeve shirt, but it isn't cold enough for that.

I promise, you can put away the shovel, nothing needs to be hidden amongst 1,000 acres of land.
When I do, I will already have my shotgun in hand when I call.

Lots of Love
Palmer

It's Cold

I really underestimated the temperature here.
Thinking back, I believe that I though that the winters would be a combination of Alabama winter temperature and snow. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha, wow I was really naive.
Anyway, there isn't anything I can do about it now.

So I don't know whether I have ever listed out my courses I am taking this semester. My apologies! Here it goes:

Harmony 1: music theory class at 9:20 a.m. mon, tues, weds, and fri
Chemistry 101: basic chemistry at 11:20 a.m. mon, weds, and fri
Chemistry 101 Lab: lab at 9:15 a.m. -12:15 p.m. thrusday
Legacies of the Ancient World: required history/philosophy class at 12:20 a.m. mon, tues, and fri
Basics of Acting: freshman seminar at 1:20 -2:35 tues and thurs

I really enjoy all of my classes and am so lucky to have this schedule.

Oh and I declared my major! Well, one of them. Since I know that I want to major in Music (plus free voice lessons!) I decided I might as well go ahead and declare. Declaring is basically me asking a professor in that department to be my advisor (mine is my Harmony 1 professor), mapping out a plan for the next 4 years, and then filling out paperwork. It's not binding, so I can drop it anytime I want which is nice to not have to worry about. I still need to get my paperwork turned in though... I guess that is what I will be doing today.

Sending my love from Yankee territory!!

Palmer

Lemonade Without Sugar is only Lemon Juice

(Ok so the title of this post is not the most optimistic in the world, BUT there is a surprise ending!)

This week the phrase "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade" has been on my mind. But what happens if you have all lemons, but there is no sugar to be found? I was getting very frustrated because I realized life is in control of both the lemons and the sugar.
And the only thing I could make was lemon juice.
I am not sure how this all came about but I think it was a combination of seeing my friend and roommate, Michelle and Alice, be occupied with Outdoor Ed (which I was rejected from), people in my freshman seminar talking about being in the Cabaret (rejected from), seeing posters about a cappella concerts (again rejected from), and finally being in the slow boat in crew.
After being successful in high school and knowing my place there, it is really scary having to restart and discover your niche in college. I had it all planned out, there wasn't going to be that awkward phase to adjusting. Boy was I ever wrong.
I really hated college this week, and I wanted to get out of here. God knew; I told him more times than needed. Finally on Friday, I gave up and told him that I was tired of trying to control every aspect of my life.
Well, apparently he was listening.
Last night I had a blast with my friends. There was no weight on my shoulders, I felt like I could breath. Putting my life into his hands and knowing he was in control was the most wonderful experience.
It made me realize that if try to follow my own plans, I will only find lemons, but if I let God be in control, I am sure to find the sugar.

Thank You Charles for the Wonderful Coat

Happy Halloween!!

Today is a wonderful day! It is halloween, I got to spend time with my parents and then when I didn't think it could get much better.... IT SNOWS!!! WOOHOO!!!

Here are some images of what you are missing!!








Lots of Love!
Palmer

Crazy, Leafy Days

Ok so I am really behind on my posts (woops!) and I am really sorr ok so just to give you an update, I went kayaking 2 weeks ago, its has already flurried (yes, like snow), and I am finally cleared to row again! I have been working on a post about the 1st two things but unfortunately my friend has not yet given me his photos from the trip, and I know you want photos.

But anywho, the weather has turned warm again, around the 60s and 70s, which is very nice when I don't feel like bundling up.

For some reason my teachers have decided that it is a wonderful idea to give students tests, papers, and projects due around parent's weekend. Maybe it is a ploy to show those who are paying for this lovely school, how hard we are working. That's just super! Plus, this is also when I finally get to return to crew, which takes up another 2 hours of my day, yippee!

But besides the tidal wave crashing on top of me, I have to admit, I am extremely lucky to go to such a wonderful school. Yesterday Sophie and I walked to the bookstore in between classes. Yellows, reds, and oranges enveloped us as we passed through the quaint town of Hamilton. The Victorian houses, the leaves on the ground, the fresh smell of fall perforated my hardened exterior, letting my body absorb the beauty around me. For that moment, I didn't feel the stress of school work or life. I was content and at peace.

If only those times would last forever, then maybe there wouldn't be sadness and pain in the world. But I'm not a philosopher, no do I want to be one. So I will just stick to knowing that that calm did not last, but that it is important that I find those moments throughout the day, in order for me to not go mad. And even if I do, at least it's somewhere beautiful.

Pops won fifty cents

I am disowning the crimson tide. Well, not really. Let's just say if I could put them in a time out corner so that they could think about their actions I would. But it's too painful to reminisce on the past, so I will not continue the topic of Alabama football.

Fall break was this weekend, and I was blessed enough to go home to see my family. It was a much needed visit. Being surrounded my family, animals, and friends was a refreshing break from the hectic life of college. I ended my depravation of southern culture by having chick-fil-a, sweet tea, sweet potato casserole, BBQ ribs, and a whole lot of southern drawl. Oh, I miss the south. Being home made me realize how different it is up here, not that it's a bad thing, just a different way of life. I guess I never fully understood why northerners couldn't understand us. But after living a time up here, I can see that I am from a completely foreign culture. and heck, I am proud of it!

It was funny being home; like I had never left. I went straight back into my old routines. I guess I thought that life would stop without me, so that when I returned nothing would have changed. But plenty has. Adelaide is driving (ok maybe she is a better driver than me...), Angie and Charlie live in Birmingham, and no drama at Altamont (well not as much).
And it scared me.

My Dad has pointed out to me that there is that point in our lives where you are torn between two worlds: innocence and growing older. That crossroad drives you crazy because your mind cannot make up its mind on what to do and your soul wants to be two places at once.
I am at that crossroad. I hate it. I curse it. But no matter how many times I close my eyes, clack my heels, and say "I wish I was home", nothing changes.

Sunday night my cat Shadow and I repeated our past habits of fighting over the bed. Countless times, we have sat on my bed together, me watching movies, shadow trying to chew my fingers. This has been a ritual for many years, and it never fails to cease. It is one of the few things that has been constant throughout my life, even when I and everything around me were changing. Shadow is my stability through life and a connection to everything that has happened in it. Our rite is my pair of ruby, red slippers.

SHOUT OUTS! YAY!!

I want to send a shout out to some amazing people today!

First of all to my familia living in Birmingham, who sent me a wonderful card when they celebrated Aunt Georgia's birthday!
Happy belated Birthday to you Aunt Georgia!

To Charlie Hartman: YAY!!! You're a lawyer!!! (though I'm still debating whether having another lawyer in the world is a good thing...)

To Blair Hartman: Thanks for the comment! You will now go down in history as the first person to comment on my blog!

To Dr. Angie Hartman: Congrats on your job! I hope it's going great!

To everyone who reads this blog, thanks! I love y'all so much!

As Another Door Slams, Out Jumps an Unpleasant Surprise

Ok, I'm not sure how much more rejection I can take. The real world, even though this is a microcosm of a college, sucks right now. I even told my Grandmother the other day that I wish I had been told "no" more as a child. Yet even thinking back on it, my senior year of high school was full of "no's". Maybe this rejection hurts because I assumed that college would be the opposite of my senior year of slammed doors.
What I do not understand is why each letter/email that has given me the bad news has always included something about how "this is not a reflection of your talent", to "keep up the good work", and to "try again next time".

Really? REALLY?

For some people this may be encouragement, but around the 5th time you've heard it, its just a slap in the face.
Yesterday I was walking through the Coop (which is our student union) to check my mailbox. As I was walking I was singing "wade in the water" (sorry Mom and Dad, you are not here to stop me from singing whenever I choose), and I passed one of the a cappella groups I had auditioned for. So as I am passing, one of the guys who auditioned me says, "hey you should sing with us tonight!"......
Nkele and I about to go Kung Fu whoever messes with us!

really? REALLY?!
What a wonderful combination of a compliment and punch in the gut. All I could say was, "I wish". It amazes me that they now think I am good enough to sing with them, but at the time of my audition, I was not.
Now my auditioning skills are not great, I always get nervous which makes my voice shaky. And that is all on me, no one else.
But it still sucks.
Oh and on top of all these wonderful ego-humblers, I came to an astounding conclusion today. As I mentioned before, my throat had been hurting and I may have had pink eye. Well, my throat still hurts, it woke me up at 5 a.m., and the nurse at the satellite clinic decided that I did indeed have pink eye in both eyes. Luckily my eyes are a lot better, but I am beginning to be skeptical of whether it is indeed pink eye. I had the delightful revelation this morning that I may not be suffering at all from pink eye, allergies or a cold, instead it may be what all college students love: mono.
I really think the world hates me. Oh well, I'll just have to wipe away the blood and wait to knock it's lights out. Because even if the world is against me, it has no idea that it has messed with the wrong southerner. (Me chasing Nelson Jones in Chile)

Dead Worms

One strange thing i have noticed lately, besides the leaves already changing color, is that there are an awful lot of dead worms dried up on the road or the side-walk. I first noticed them after a rainstorm, but I didn't think that a little rain would cause that many worms to flee from their homes only to be caught a rush of water and flushed to their death by sun. I know it is normal for worms to do that, but there are so many! You will be happy to know that I have not taken any photos of this occurrence, so you are spared from seeing it.

But enough of philosophical questions...

So as I have stated, I was not accepted into Outdoor Ed Staff training. BUT ITS ALL GOOD! I know that God has a plan for me, and by closing that door, he opened another: crew! It's great because I have a lot of friends rowing and I am a D1 athlete! I mean how many people (besides football players) can say they have been a D1 athlete? Plus, even though it is not kayaking, I get to be out on the water everyday. That in itself is a blessing.

I am not sure if all of you know that I am still taking voice lessons up here. I have a wonderful teacher, Neva Pilgrim, who is a dear and wonderful woman. She happens to be the reason I looked at Colgate. My voice teacher from home, Dewin Tibbs, is a friend of hers and told me that I should look at Colgate because he knew someone he that he would trust with my voice. I love Neva dearly. I am not at the point where I am in control of my voice and I must learn the artistry in singing. That can be translated into: I sound good, now for the details. Always encouraging, never overbearing, Neva is the kind of person whose faith in me boost my faith in myself. I am learning so much and enjoying every step of the way.

With all the good things here at Colgate, of course there is always a little rain cloud in the back corner. This pesky cloud happens cause illness. Yuck. Flu season is about to start and students are being to feel the first waves. I believed that because I had been sick at the beginning, it would pass over me to the next victim. Boy was I wrong. My throat began to feel sore around wednesday; fine during the day, killer at night. But as each day passed, the pain lasted longer into the day and started earlier in the evening. I went to the health center yesterday to try and nip this thing in the bud before any other symptoms appeared. My strep test came back clean, but the Nurse practitioner was sill wary. I am still befuddled by his treatment option: He said that his gut told him it was a virus and that normally it would heal on its own, but because of the way my tonsils looked he believed that I would be calling back in 2 days. SO, to prevent it from getting any worse he prescribed me some antibiotics... Hmm. I guess that he thinks that the virus will go away, but I need to get on antibiotics to prevent a bacterial infection. Since I haven't been to medical school, I'm just going to follow the doctors orders. Oh but that is only part of the stubborn rain cloud. This morning I awoke to my eyes being surrounded in gunk. I did sleep in my contacts, but this had happened yesterday too except in milder form. My eyes were red and gross. Oh crap. Pink eye. I haven't touched anything that someone else might touch and I have washed my hands so many times I may need lotion soon. Luckily the redness has gone down and nothing is coming out of my eyes at the moment. Isn't this just the icing on the cake! I guess I will be back to the health center to sooner than he expected...

Woops this meant to be posted earlier...

Sorry, it has been a while, and even now I do not have that much time.

Just a quick update:
I did not get into outdoor ed staff training (sad day!)
BUT
I am now a D1 athlete on the crew team!
Flu season is about to start... ugh, and I need to go get a flu shot (though my throat is already swollen, yikes!)
Anyway... oh great, the weather has changed once again, from sunny to rain. Why can't it make up its mind?
OH! I fixed the comment boxes so you can now post your thoughts! YAY!
Now I have to go play doctor and fix my friends finger. Razors are not fun.

Lots of Love!!!!!!!
Palmer

Aren't You Jealous?

Today, Sophie, Michelle and I went on a walk on the trails behind the school. We traversed the hiking trails and plan to explore the cross country ski trails another day. Here is a glimpse at our "backyard" (the top of the old golf course overlooking Colgate)
Awesome trees
Into The Woods
Wish you were here!

Oh and I want to send a shout out to one of my favorite people in the world and my amazing mentor Melina Coogan. If you are interested in reading some incredible writing check out her blog The Wilder Coast. Her writing is inspiring and spirit uplifting. We had a lovely chat last night after I found out she was only 30 minutes away. Unfortunately we were not able to reunite over coffee and chocolate, two of our favorite things, but it was close enough. I miss her and rarely see her. Yet each time I speak with her, I feel that we have not lost a single minute being apart.
I love you Melina!
Good luck and Bon Voyage!

Crazy Weather, Rejections, and All Sorts of Shenanigans

People warned me about the cold weather up in the north but no one ever mentioned how it never makes up its mind! In the past 15 minutes while i have been sitting on my bed, the weather has transformed from wet and gloomy to bright and sunny. And I have photos to prove it!


Anyway, the main reason I took these photos (before the weather went crazy on me) was to give you a taste of my little corner that I call home.I love being able to sit on my bed and look out the window. Its the perfect place to people watch at college. I see people hurry to class, trying not to be late, coeds flirting, guys throwing the frisbee on the quad, students lost in their music, oblivious to their surroundings. Though I am not cooped up 24 hours a day, I see why James Stewart resorted to observing his neighbors through his "Rear Window". It's fascinating watching people go about their lives. It is the perfect reality show: there are no masks or inhibitions, you are able to see the true person. In other words, if you cut out all my philosophical ranting, it's just fun.

Nothing world-shaking or mind-blowing has happened to me lately. My life has been pretty normal with school and social life. Of course there is always drama in everyday life, but it would be a waste of breath to articulate. I did audition for two a cappella groups last week. I only got a call back from one, the Dischords, who I had met last spring, and I thought it went great. But for some reason they couldn't accept me this semester. I can audition next semester for both groups, but that barely numbs the pain. My ego got in the way of reasoning and I was positive I would make one of the groups. It was part of my "Colgate plan". It goes to show that what we want is not necessarily what the big guy upstairs has in store, and we may bang our noses on a lot of closed doors before we find the open one.

Last week I applied and interviewed for the Outdoor Education Staff Training, which is a program that only takes 10-12 students a year and trains them to become staff members in the Outdoor program who lead other students of outdoor P.E. trips. It is an amazing program with wonderful people! When I visited last spring I was fortunate enough to stay with a staff member named Cal Crawford, who introduced me to the director of the program and all the other staff members. After spending time with them for only an hour or two, I knew that if I came to Colgate I wanted to be apart of that program. Yet whether I will be accepted is yet to be determined. I shoved my ego into a closet so it wouldn't get the better of my judgement, but that only makes it worse. It doesn't help that my roommate has also applied and is equally (maybe even more so) qualified to be given a position. Its a great thing we both love the outdoors, but we are both worried that they will not take one of us because we are roommates. We never planned this people!! Why would a coincidence be the determining factor on our acceptance?! AGH! I hate waiting!!!!!! deep breaths... deeeeeeep breaths..... Okay, I'm better.

But while I have been waiting I have gotten to know others who are outdoor enthusiasts. My neighbor is a NOLS alum and also a climber. This weekend he pulled out his slackline, which is a cross between a tight-rope and trampoline. In other words it is a thick rope you can walk across, and some even land flips. We were out there for a couple of hours and those curious enough would stop by to watch. Those brave enough (or stupid enough to try and impress friends) gave it a shot. I wish i had had one of these growing up, it was a blast!

"We Are Family!"

I have referred to my WA girls multiple times, the girls who I have bonded with and have become close friends with. Well, it is always nice to put a face to a name, so here they are!



I present to you, Michelle Van Veen, Palmer Miller, Kirstin Craig, and Sophie Dennis

A Crimson Gal in a Crowd of Yankee Boys

Only a southern, Alabama girl could sit in a "man cave" wearing an Alabama jersey, and cheer on the Crimson Tide. The guys here have never experienced a girl like me. Most of them were confused as to why a girl was sitting in there midst, and then even more baffled when I began cheering for the Tide. I wonder what will happen when I start yelling "rammer jammer yellow hammer..."? It doesn't hurt that The University is winning. It's a little sobering though; I am not surrounded by family or friends cheering on Javier Arenas or Mark Ingram. Instead I'm far from home, cheering on trent richardson running and julio returning. I am extremely jealous of those who are at the game!!! And these boys do not understand SEC football. Like Faulkner said, "The South. You can't understand it. You'd have to be born there." Sooooooooooooo true. I never saw the truth in that statement until moving up here. But anyway, I'm having a good time. I have the biggest smile on my face! ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Football, Rain, and Pearls

Hello everyone watching/reading from afar!
I cannot believe it has already been a week of school... it felt like a month. But that's not a bad thing! I am finally getting the hang of things! i have made a a wide variety of friends, memorized my class schedule, organized my bed/area (again), and I feel that I am beginning my discovery of who I am. Of course I haven't found my niche yet, that will continue to change over the year. I probably won't find one singular place for me to fit; that is not me. But I am enjoying the journey of confronting obstacles, discovering (and avoiding) temptations, and ultimately finding myself. Though I don't know whether this journey's purpose is to "discover who I am". I have always been lucky and been satisfied with being me. Yes, I have had ups and downs, but all in all I am pretty true to myself. So maybe the adventure through college is not necessarily about self-enlightenment, but more about personal refinement and not letting myself evolve into someone whose goal is to be accepted. It's great to be liked! But with college life swirling around me, my main challenge is to not get sucked into the temptations of approval. Because let's admit it, some of the things at college seem to be so much fun and as a girl, I want to be noticed! So here is to a year of self approval and strengthening who I already am!

Oh and here is my class schedule/list (since I didnt put it down last time):
- Harmony I: music theory 101; professor Swain who is amazing and wonderful!; mon, tues, weds, fri. 9:20-10:10 am
- Chem 101: first semester of general chemistry; professor chiansese who is in his 30s, wonderfully nerdy, and really nice; m,w,f 11:20am-12:10pm
- Legacies of the Ancient World (formerly known as western traditions but changed to be politically correct): core class i have to take to graduate; professor Kim who is a great teacher but kinda scares me... i don't want to be on his bad side!; m,w,f 12:20-1:10 pm
- Basics of Acting: freshman seminar; professor Georgea who is sooooo kind and amazing!!!! he is such a wonderful person and I love his daughter! he is Romanian, tall, and bald; tues, thurs 1:20-2:35pm

So that's what has been occupying my time as of late. Oh and there was a football game yesterday!! Being a southern collegiate I, as per tradition, wore a dress yesterday. I also had two auditions for a cappella groups so I needed to look nice anyway. SO, when I walked down to the tailgate, I realize that I am not in Kansas anymore. Everyone was is jeans (including girls!) and t-shirts. Even the Frat boys and sorrority girls were in casual garb. Oh and to make it even better I had happened to wear a dress that was blue... the color of the other team. But even though I may have stuck out amongst the sea maroon, I looked damned good! So I will hold my head high and wear dresses and pearls to football games, because I am a southern lady, and I must represent the South with class!

As I leave you now, I will exuent with this little piece of advice..... ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!

"What is that" "I think its a skunk" "no, that thing is all black... oh sh** skunk! run!"

I am already tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally. Usually I have enough energy to last me a good month before I crash, but college hit me all at once, wiping away all that adrenaline. It's not a bad thing, I have enjoyed everything. I'm just one of the lucky ones who had the extra baggage dropped on top of them as soon as they arrived. I'm not complaining. Most of my friends comment on how many people I already know and how many guys I have made friends with. It usually puts a pep in my step to be known on campus, yet it fades because that's just me being myself. I like people and I put myself out there so that they will be comfortable around me. Yet even though I know so many people, it doesn't mean I am going to go over to there dorm, push open the door, and just sit on there bed. Ok, well maybe I would if I wanted to. Yet I feel tired and empty. Alone. There are people on this campus who would be there for me if I needed a shoulder to cry on, but I don't call out to anyone because I don't want to burden them with my load. All of the freshmen are in the same state, no matter how they show it. And even if I was to go to an upperclassman, I would feel little, immature, small. It is a constant roller coaster: boredom one moment, the next I can't pull the emergency brake. I still haven't finished organizing my room completely. Day by day i neaten it up a little more trying to find a place for each thing. I'm still trying to find my place. Because so much is happening and not happening all at once, I struggle to focus, balance my life. Pieces keep flying out of one box into another, appearing and disappearing. I'm frustrated because I don't know what is happening. I don't know where I will fit in here. What if I don't get into outdoor education? Not make an a cappella? what then? I want to close my eyes, tap my heels, then wake up with everything set in place, calm. Not that things won't be busy. But there will be an underlying rhythm beneath the chaos that will give me a sense of control. I will still be tired but maybe it won't be hard to live with...

Colgate is great, the perfect fit for me. The only thing I wish I could change would be to replace some of these yankees with southerners. Now I know boys will be boys no matter where they come from, but at least those raised in the south have the decency to turn on a filter when a woman is around. What I heard one boy say the other night shocked me. In all seriousness I thought to myself "Is that the mouth you speak to your momma with?" I'm afraid I may get in trouble one of the days for teaching a boy a lesson. Thankfully there are plenty of people to hang around so that I won't get in trouble. The girls are just like the ones back home. You have to learn which ones to avoid. Luckily I had already made friends with the girls of my WIlderness Adventure trip. Each one of us is different from the other yet we fit together perfectly. We have bonded on such a deep level that will extend throughout our college career. I am so lucky. Also, my roommates and I get along great. We kinda have to living in a forced triple. My dorm sits in the perfect location, central to everything, and I get exercise everyday from walking around. So far I could not ask for anymore.

Oh and if you are wondering, the title of this post is the conversation Sophie Dennis (one of my WA sistas) had last night on the freshman quad... oh what a night

its been a long time, my friend

Hey everyone, I am officially at COLGATE!! yay!! I will post later about my pre-orientation trip but right now i have so much going on. Also please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers, my grandfather passed away last Saturday. There is no need for sorrow because though I do miss him, he is in a better place and I am so blessed to have spent time with him before he passed. I know you are up in heaven grandad, and I love you so much. Rest in Peace.

What Time is it Mr. Fox?

1 1/2 days and counting... till college. it still hasn't hit me yet. Even though the den is the aftermath of a "packing bomb"; something of mine covers every inch of it, seriously. But I was very proud of myself with packing today. Even though it is mandatory I've been procrastinating about packing, but once I set mind to it it wasn't half bad. Tomorrow will be full of hugs and good byes, errands, and chaos. Oh dear, it will be a tiring day...

not yet the dark night of the soul

TA DA!!! Here it is!! My blog to keep in contact with everyone!! I wanted to keep everyone updated on my whereabouts but i didn't know what would be the most efficient way to complete that task while doing everything else at Colgate (go raiders!). SOOOOOo I converted my barely used blog into the newsroom of my life! I will try to post as often as I can (hopefully not at 2 in the morning like right now....), possibly twice a week.
Anyway I'm at Rosemary Beach with mi familia right now, so the posts won't be about college for another 2 weeks. Lo siento!
Oh and be warned about my titles, they may sound crazy, but there is reasoning behind them! For example, the dark night of the soul is 3am in the morning and its 2am now... get it? And beware of random spanish popping up (it's a habit).
I send my warm regards and love to everyone!!!

Lots of Love
Palmer


p.s. Please keep my grandfather, Dr. Harold Jarrell in your thoughts and prayers. He is too stubborn to let God to call him home, yet that fight is a tiring one. Any hint upward is worth so much to me, so if you have a moment, please give the Big guy upstairs a nudge and tell him the Dr. is still needed down here. Thank you!

At least there is free coffee!

I have decided I hate taxes. They are irksome and troublesome, especially when the government thinks you have an income, and you actually don't! No one likes taxes. The terrible irony is that there is an entire day devoted to something everyone loathes.
The only good thing about April 15 is the generosity and compassion that appears in sympathy of one another. The best form of kindness I have found is the free Starbuck's coffee.
'You have your own mug? Oh well here you go! One free cup of Starbuck's Coffee! Have a nice Tax Day!'
So thank you Starbuck's and all others who show compassion on such a dreadful day. Even if we must give up what little money we have, it's a relief to know that we will always have Starbuck's.

New Moon actually got it right

So i finally sat down with my mom yesterday and silently (ok I did voice my opinion periodically) endured watching New Moon. If you don't know what New Moon is, you have been living either on another planet or under a rock, neither of which is possible... well not really. Anyway, for those who appreciate the cinema this film makes you want to curl into the fetal position hoping it will disappear. You do not need to have majored in film in college or be a movie fanatic to know that this movie is a jumble of "beautiful" faces, hot bodies (I have to admit Taylor looked smokin'), star-crossed romance, and the mid-air, slow-mo action scenes, compiled to bring in the big money.
I'm not a movie critic and criticizing this movie is not the purpose of this post.
As I sat curled upon the couch, I could hear my friends laughter mocking this horrendous movie. Enveloped in a facade of disgust and dislike, embalming me like a cocoon, I knew in my heart how perfectly Kristen Stewart emitted the suffering of lost love. Her contorted body looked possessed and demonic. People watch and laugh at her performance, criticize her acting, deeming it unbelievable.
I try to focus on the movie as these voices float in and out of my head. I hate them. They don't understand. But I do.
No one can explain the pain felt when the one person you hold dear to you has disappeared. Its different from losing someone to death, because when someone dies its not your fault. But what happens when your foundation is ripped out from under you and moves on. There are no answers. The shock numbs your mind so you are unable to ask questions. And somewhere in the back of your mind you feel responsible for everything. You question every action, every smile, every word, desperately searching for the solution. You keep telling yourself that once you know it will be all right, you will be able to get on with your life.
But its a lie.
When you cannot ask anymore questions you are left with despair. There is no light at the end of the tunnel; there isn't even a tunnel. Just a pit of darkness.
I could try to describe despair but I would ultimately fail. Even through metaphors, eloquent language, and prose, not even the greatest writers can perfectly name it. Despair cannot be confined. People sometimes label it as an emotion, but I know they are wrong. I have felt more physical anguish in despair than any other time in my life. There is no medicine to stop the pain, no where to hide from it, or occupation that eases you rmind even for a second. Madness and Insanity swirled throughout my mind body and soul. For brief moments I knew I had lost my mind. Yet losing my mind would have been a comfort, but I was always dragged back to reality with clang.
So to all of those who criticize someone for overreacting about love, think twice before you open your mouth. Karma is strange and will hit you when your not looking.

Ode To the Day Called Valentines

Yes, this is supposed to be about all the amazing places I will/have traveled to, but since it is the day loved by all romantics and "The Notebook" fanatics, I thought I might as well put my two cents in about the day we deem Valentines.

Wanna know where I am right now? No, not in Chile or San Francisco or Philadelphia or Paris, no, I'm sitting on my bed writing a paper on Marie De France for my women's writers class. So right now, my feelings towards Valentine's are resentful. For the past 7 years of life (thats from 6th grade to now) I have never been anyone's Valentines. Yes, I have a wonderful loving nuclear and extended family who cherish me as their Valentine, but come on, every girl wants to be looking into the eyes of her 'Prince Charming' on February 14th, and not watching Planet Earth by yourself or writing a paper (If that's your cup of tea, good for you! By the way, what planet are you from?). If you have ever been brainwashed by the Disney Princesses, you definitely hate being alone on Valentine's.

I would love to experience one cliche Valentine's, with a dozen roses, a heart shaped box of ferero roche, and a gorgeous looking man in a tux waiting on my doorstep to sweep me off my feet. Or how about a 'say anything'? Waking up to a guy standing outside your window, who is holding up a boom box playing y'all's song; I wouldn't mind that.

If movies are supposed to portray real life, then why does none of this ever happen? I have come up with two reasons: 1. Guys never watch romantic movies, even the classics, unless they think they will get some. 2. None of the cliche mushy, gushy love stuff is required to be happy. When I asked my best friend what her plans were for her and her boyfriend on Valentine's day, she told me that she would run part of the mercedes marathon relay, help recycle, and then go home and cook dinner with her boyfriend. That simple. No gifts, just each other's company over a home cooked meal. She was completely satisfied with her plan and I know that she probably had a wonderful time.
I guess that's why so many people (yeah, yeah I'm talking about myself too) are cynical about Valentine's, because they forget to appreciate the little things and set their expectations above reality.

I think Valentine's should be about brotherly love and loving others. I proclaim Valentine's day to forevermore be Agape Day.